Table of Contents:
Are You the ‘Black Sheep’ of the Family? – 9 Signs
Twelve Signs You’ve met Someone from ‘Your Soul Family’
Are You the ‘Black Sheep’ of the Family? – 9 Signs
by Aletheia Luna on October 27, 2014, from LonerWolf Website
Early in life, I learned a critical truth:
Our families can either make or break us.
They can inspire, support, and uplift us.
Indeed, our families can be a second womb, hearth, or safe space in which we grow and transform.
On the other hand, they can demoralize, oppress, and smother us.
Depending on where you are on the family spectrum, you’ll be a relatively well-adjusted individual or a person plagued with problems.
Our experience of ‘family’ forms a large part of the foundation of our self-worth, feelings of belonging, and psychological/emotional well-being as adults.
So,
What happens when you’re the black sheep of the family…?
What happens when you are rejected, outcasted, marginalized, and even disowned from your birth family?
In this article, I’ll help you discover:
- if you are a black sheep.
- how to heal the trauma associated with familial rejection.
- the profound opportunity for spiritual growth and transformation inherent in being a reject!
What is a “Black Sheep”?
The “black sheep of the family” is a term that refers to a family member who is considered:
- peculiar
- strange
- unconventional
- eccentric
or not aligned with the family’s persona and values.
Sometimes “black sheep” has strong negative connotations as it can be used to refer to a person who is considered a “misfit,” criminal, addict, or overall troublemaker…
Black Sheep Are Often Scapegoats (aka. “Identified Patients”)
On top of being considered weird, black sheep are often scapegoated and blamed for the majority of a family’s problems.
This tendency to scapegoat is known in psychology as the “Identified Patient.”
The “Identified Patient” or IP, was a term that emerged in the 1950s to describe the actions of sick and dysfunctional families and their tendency to assign one person in the family as a scapegoat to their problems.
Essentially, the Identified Patient is said to be a way that families avoid their own internal pain, disappointments, and struggles, by pointing the finger at another family member as the cause for all the problems they experience.
If you were the Identified Patient in your family, you were most likely chosen as the “troublemaker” or “problem child” due to your status within the family (e.g., young, naive and abusable, or older, headstrong and threatening), or your differing Soul Age and personality, which drew attention to your contrasting likes, tastes, and habits.
Naturally, these qualities placed a big bullseye on your head and were used against you throughout your life.
Symptoms that you were chosen as the Identified Patient of your family include the following:
Your parents were stricter with you than they were with your other siblings.
Your mistakes were blown out of proportion and/or punished disproportionately.
You always carried the feeling that you “didn’t fit in” with your family, and you didn’t develop strong connections with them.
You were mocked, ridiculed, and/or made fun of on a constant basis.
Your family seemed intent on making you feel “deficient” and as though you were always fundamentally lacking.
Whenever you got stronger, more confident, or happier, your family seemed intent on bringing you down and/or convincing you that you weren’t getting any better.
You developed mental and/or emotional disorders, and/or substance abuse problems as a result of being scapegoated and overburdened.
Your family didn’t show any interest in who you really were as a person.
You were criticized, completely ignored, and/or emotionally manipulated if you rebelled in any way.
It’s important to note that families who assign scapegoats or Identified Patients often go to great measures to keep the member of the family they’ve unconsciously chosen that way, otherwise, they are forced to face their own inadequacies.
So, if you’re stuck in a pull-tug relationship with your family where they treat you like crap, but cry and mope when you back away, this is why.
9 Signs You’re the Black Sheep of the Family
If you’re still wondering whether you’re the black sheep of the family, let’s zoom in even more.
Pay attention to the following signs – how many can you relate to?
- You are blamed for most of your family’s issues (whether directly or indirectly).
- You feel like most of your family members completely misunderstand you.
- You’re left out of the loop on your family’s news.
- You’re not invited to gatherings, celebrations, etc.
- You don’t have much in common with any of your family members in terms of likes, tastes, and preferences.
- You struggle to emotionally or mentally connect with your family members.
- You’re made fun of, belittled, shamed, or bullied (either directly or indirectly).
- You often feel like you’re adopted or were raised in the wrong family.
- You’re a contrarian or eccentric individualist by nature (i.e., you know who you are and what you stand for).
Have I missed any?
12 Mental and Emotional Wounds Caused by Being a Black Sheep
Being cast as the black sheep of the family is not a comfortable role. (However, it is a great doorway of opportunity, which I will explain soon.)
The pain of being rejected, scorned, and even flat-out disowned cuts deep to the core.
As a person who is the black sheep of my birth family, I know how terribly lonely being a black sheep is.
All of the following wounds I’ve personally experienced and learned to deal with throughout time.
Here are the main mental and emotional wounds you may develop/experience:
- You feel alone in life.
- You struggle to relate to other people.
- It’s extremely difficult to trust people in relationships, friendships, work situations, etc.
- Trusting yourself and your instincts is hard, so you often feel lost (and without an inner compass).
- Emotional commitment is scary and triggering.
- You carry big and oppressive core beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” and “There’s something wrong with me”.
- Deep down, you feel that if someone truly got to know you, they wouldn’t like you anymore.
- You feel fundamentally unlovable.
- You’re either overly dependent on your friends for emotional validation or you prefer to go solo and bypass friendship altogether (as a loner).
- Social anxiety is a regular issue you battle.
- Your life feels like one big existential crisis.
- You grapple with depressive and/or addictive tendencies.
This list isn’t exhaustive, but I hope I’ve painted a clear picture.
Being the black sheep of the family ain’t no ‘walk in the park.’
It’s traumatizing and destabilizing.
But you’re certainly not alone, and this experience isn’t a curse, it’s a pathway…
Why Being the Black Sheep of the Family is Spiritual Opportunity ‘Par Excellence’
Certainly, it’s crucial that we come to terms with how traumatizing being the black sheep is – we need to mourn this fact.
But I also want to offer a unique perspective on being the black sheep of the family.
It’s a tremendously important pathway to spiritual transformation.
Why…?
When we are rejected by our birth family, we are given a gift many others in life aren’t:
the doorway to unfettered freedom…
While others who are embraced by their families still need to play by certain rules,
black sheep have the chance to walk their own paths…
While accepted-family-members might benefit from being validated, they also tend to be trapped in limiting roles that make it difficult for authentic Soul growth and expression to occur.
Black sheep, on the other hand, have a clean slate.
The doorway to trailblazing their own destiny is open; they aren’t held back by other’s opinions because the judgment has already been made, they are:
- rejects
- oddballs
- outsiders
Sure, there are cases of perfect families who lovingly uphold the dreams and aspirations of their members.
But these instances are the exception, not the rule.
The truth is that most families are dysfunctional – they are products of our wider fragmented society.
And thus, they tend to have a stifling effect on one’s spiritual path and evolution.
As a black sheep, you are gifted with the chance to do some authentic soul searching, free from the suffocating confines of your family’s expectations and desires.
You have already been cast in the role of Distaste and Disappointment.
There’s not much else your birth family can do to harm you – the wound has already been inflicted.
Now, your job is to break free and find your true meaning in life.
What you have experienced is, in reality, a spiritual initiation…!
7 Ways to Heal the Wounds of Being a Black Sheep
There are only three options for black sheep:
live authentically and get kicked out of the community, have the courage to move out on your own and rebuild from scratch, or hide your true self and desperately try to fit in (which you never will).
Ben Crawford, 2,000 Miles Together
When I embraced my role as a black sheep, I felt a sense of profound sadness but also exhilaration.
Yes, I have been outcast from my birth family – seen as a defiant and condemnable intruder – but oh, what freedom!
However, I don’t want to make light of this situation. It is deeply traumatizing.
On some level, it is akin to death. After all, our biological survival is dependent on being accepted by those who raise us.
So, to help you embrace the gifts inherent in being the black sheep of the family, I have some advice.
Here are seven ways to begin healing the wounds of being the family’s outcast:
1. Create healthy boundaries that preserve your mental health
Sometimes we may still wish to visit our family of origin.
Others of us may choose to communicate only through email, text, or phone.
And still, for some, it may be necessary to totally cut ties with their birth family.
Depending on how toxic your family is, you can choose between the above three options.
Do keep in mind, however, that keeping your distance from people who reject your authentic being is healthy.
To constantly be reminded of your ‘deficiencies,’ ‘shortcomings,’ and ‘inadequacy’ is not good for your mental, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing.
Such people only tend to hold you back in spirals of self-abandonment and self-loathing.
2. Understand that you are not the cause of your family’s dysfunction
Consciously you may know this, but deep down there’s probably still some doubt in you.
Sure, you may have made some pretty serious mistakes in your life, but so does everyone.
Just because you are imperfect does not mean you are the source of the dysfunction in your family.
If you were the Identified Patient (or still are), you must realize that the cause of suffering in your family of origin is their own repressed anger, insecurity, fear, and personal trauma which they project onto you and haven’t taken responsibility for.
3. Create your own authentic soul family
After being accustomed to a certain role and way of being for our whole lives, it is strange and daunting to consider moving onto other roles.
But please know that you can have a family of your own and step into a new role that is relational (i.e., connected with others), not isolated.
You can move on with your life, find your own friends, make your own soul family, and redefine who you are as a person.
The only thing stopping you is clinging to the past, and not opening yourself up to being more.
Practicing the art of letting go will help you tremendously.
4. Contemplate your birth family’s pain
Why on earth would we want to do this?
Well, the answer is that contemplation often leads to understanding, and understanding breeds compassion (which results in emotional freedom!).
Once you are at a stable point in life, turn your mind onto your birth family.
Exploring the “why?” of what happened can help you make peace with your past and close that chapter.
Reflect on what causes a person or group of people to reject or demonize a person in the first place?
Sure, they may be narcissistic or stupid – but that’s a surface judgment.
What’s below the narcissism or stupidity?
Usually, the answer is fear and pain…
When a person or group of people need to subconsciously elect someone else to personify their own pain and distress – someone to point the finger at and pin their problems on – these are very unhappy people indeed.
They haven’t yet learned how to consciously handle their feelings of guilt, insignificance, embarrassment, or disappointment with themselves and their lives.
By not accepting their inner strife they are continuing to build a cocoon of hurt and resistance which prolongs their pain.
So essentially, these are people who are deeply and consistently miserable human beings.
While we usually can’t awaken our families from their destructive habits, we can develop compassion and forgiveness for them, understanding why we were treated the way we were.
It was actually nothing personal.
This is extremely freeing.
5. Learn to love yourself and embrace your wounded inner child
We all possess an inner child, the part of us that sees the world through the eyes of innocence, wonder, and spontaneous joy.
Our inner child, however, also cops the greatest amount of wounding growing up – and it’s for this reason that we need to learn to listen to and nurture it.
Signs that you have a wounded inner child include addictive tendencies, sudden unexplainable fears, anxiety and depression, and the unshakable feeling of being worthless, “not good enough,” and empty inside.
Read more about the wounded inner child.
If you find that no amount of self-improvement helps, chances are that you aren’t going deep enough.
Your inner child must be sought out, embraced, and nurtured through the practice of consistent self-love.
We have an amazing guide on how to love yourself and also an Inner Child Work Journal that will help you begin this profoundly healing work.
6. Treat this as a rare opportunity to do some soul searching
As mentioned previously, being the black sheep of the family is both a curse and a gift.
Now that you are largely free of the fetters of your family of origin, you can walk your own path and be a lone wolf.
You can turn inwards, listen to the whispers of your heart, and plunge the depths of your soul.
Those who are embraced by their family of origin often struggle to get to the place where they can turn inwards.
They are beset with the pressures of having to live up to expectations, having to project a consistently acceptable self-image, amongst other soul-constricting burdens.
Thankfully, you don’t have to deal with this any longer.
Once you embrace being a black sheep and no longer fight against it, you are initiated onto your own unique spiritual journey.
What could be more precious than that?
7. Connect with your heart and listen to your intuition
Finally, to heal the wounds of being the black sheep of the family, you need to reconnect with your heart.
I know this may be scary.
I remember how terrifying it has been for me to do this.
But I’ve learned that slowly tuning into my inner Center helps me to make wise decisions and live a wholly authentic life – the kind that many people dream about.
When being outcast by our family, it’s common to close the heart and totally shut off from life – this is a wise self-protection mechanism.
But eventually, you need to learn to open back up.
To feel your pain.
To do your grief work.
To practice letting go.
Letting Go – Library of Rickandria
To blossom into your truest Self.
Many people overly rely on their family members for guidance.
However, because you won’t have that, you’ll need to rely on the wisdom of your own intuition.
While this is harder to do, it is a wiser path.
No one can live your life but you.
No one can do the inner work of intentional spiritual alchemy but you…
SAUCE:
Are You the ‘Black Sheep’ of the Family? – 9 Signs (bibliotecapleyades.net)
Twelve Signs You’ve met Someone from ‘Your Soul Family’
by Aletheia Luna on June 05, 2021, from LonerWolf Website
Have you ever come across a person who you feel like you’ve known “forever” – even if you’ve just met?
Have you ever come across a person with who you immediately connect, without knowing why?
Sometimes these people actually know what you’re going to say before you’ve even said anything.
Mateo and I used to call these experiences “freaky mind connections” because we’d often think and say the exact same thing at the exact same moment.
These people who we connect with on a deep heart level can be thought of as our “Soul Family” or “Soul Group.”
I’ll share with you how to recognize members of your own Soul Family and what lessons they’ll help you learn.
What is a Soul Family?
A Soul Family is comprised of a group of people that your Soul energetically resonates with on a mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual level.
These people are members of the same “Spirit Family” as you and they share an intensely strong bond that transcends time and space itself.
Intuitively, most people tend to describe this connection as sharing the same “frequency” or “vibration” because of the deep harmony felt.
Such a deep and harmonious connection goes beyond sharing the same surface-based personality tastes, hobbies, and opinions:
it’s an intense magnetic and spiritual bond that is inexplicable to the mind.
Therefore, your Soul Family is often described as being comprised of Souls that are cut from the same “energetic cloth” as you.
Types of Soul Family Connections
There are many different types of Soul Family connections that you can develop including:
- soul friends.
- soulmates or kindred spirits.
- karmic relationships.
- twin flames.
Essentially, a Soul connection happens when two people of the same vibrational frequency energetically overlap and share similar:
- thoughts
- feelings
- values
and dreams.
Although you might come from different cultures, races, or opposite backgrounds, you’ll immediately sense an ancient and strong connection in your bones, blood, and very Soul.
Why Do We Have Soul Families?
To me, the most valuable social experience a person can ever have. is meeting a member of their Soul Family.
The defining quality of this type of person is that they make it impossible for you to remain the same person by the time they exit your life.
Relationships, like nature itself, have many seasons.
Uniting with a Soul Family member can last a few hours on a plane trip, or end after 60 years of marriage.
Sometimes only physical death will end (if only momentarily) such connections.
Every member of your Soul Family will appear in your life to teach you a lesson and to catalyze your spiritual awakening.
However, we’re not always ready to fully connect with members of our Soul Family – but even this is a lesson unto itself.
So why do we have Soul Families?
Metaphysically speaking, Soul Families are a natural product of the “flow” of Spirit.
If you look at the Ocean, you’ll notice that sometimes clusters of waves arise.
The same goes for Soul Families:
we are all Spirit, but we’re also broken down into many different Soul Families.
These Soul Families carry out certain roles, namely, to help each other embody the purpose of their Souls.
In other words, your Soul Family is here to help you learn, grow, and experience what ancient traditions have referred to as “nirvana”, self-realization or enlightenment.
Soul Families Throughout History
In many spiritual traditions, the obstacles that we face in this life are said to be chosen before birth.
It is said that we choose the family we’re born into, the bodies and personalities we develop, and the people we bring into our lives.
These people are chosen because our Souls knew they would give us the best chance to learn the many life lessons we need to grow spiritually.
There are many examples of Soul Families throughout history that gained a lot of force and traction, therefore creating drastic social change.
Take, for instance, the Creative Renaissance, that was composed of figures such as:
- Leonardo Da Vinci
- Michelangelo
- Raphael
- Machiavelli
- Thomas More
- Copernicus
- Francis Bacon
- Galileo
- Martin Luther
and William Shakespeare…
Chances are that they were all part of the same Soul Family…!
There was also the Spiritual Renaissance that was composed of figures such as:
- Gautama Buddha
- Mahavira
- Makkhali Gosala
and Ajita Kesakambali…
In China, there was:
- Confucius
- Lao Tzu
- Mencius
- Chuang Tzu
- Lieh Tzu
…and in Greece there was:
- Socrates
- Plato
- Aristotle
- Heraclitus
and Pythagoras…
All of these individuals interacted with each other (directly or indirectly) in different ways that were necessary for a revolution to occur.
The amazing thing is that each of these Soul Families has wildly expanded our collective growth and evolutionary progress.
Not only that, but each coming generation will bring in waves of powerful and transformative Soul Family energy that is built upon the previous progress of earlier Soul Families.
By finding your Soul Family, you grow at not only an individual level but also a collective level.
Each plan, each path, is equally as important in the overall evolution of the whole.
It’s only through this profound experience of relating to one another on a Soul level that drastic change can occur on both an inner and outer level.
12 Signs You’ve Met Someone from Your Soul Family
If wanderers who are members of other sects should ask you:
“What, friend, are the prerequisites for the development of the wings to self-awakening?”
you should answer,
“There is the case where a monk has admirable friends, admirable companions, admirable comrades.
This is the first prerequisite for the development of the wings to self-awakening.”
Gautama Buddha
The Anguttara Nikaya – Free Download (urbandharma.org)
There are a few ways to tell if you’ve met someone who resonates with you on a Soul level.
(Please note that in the case of karmic relationships, a lot of these signs don’t apply.)
Here are a few things you might notice:
1. Your eye contact is deep and engaging.
You’re not afraid to make prolonged eye contact with members of your Soul Family – it doesn’t feel awkward.
When you do make eye contact, it’s as if there’s something familiar that you both share, something comforting, something ancient.
Perhaps when you make eye contact, you’re tapping into a deeper truth that you both silently understand and share.
2. They will be more Soul-centric than Ego-centric
Members of your Soul Family will not be interested in ego-centered pursuits such as:
- fame
- status
- money
and glory.
Instead, they’ll be more soul centered.
For example, they might be interested in:
- conscious living
- meditation
- healthy eating
- yoga
- helping the environment
and so forth.
Even if they’re not overly “spiritual” per se, you’ll be able to pick up on their big heart.
3. You’re magnetically drawn to them
For no apparent reason, members of your Soul Family will “pop out” to you like sore thumbs.
You’ll be immediately drawn to them and their energy.
Even if you lose touch with them, they’ll likely emerge in your life over and over again.
4. Both of you speak the “same language”
When speaking, both of you share similar thoughts and insights, and you’re on the “same page” emotionally.
It’s not uncommon for you to both repeat the same thoughts and words, as if you’re mirroring each other’s minds.
5. You feel as though you’ve known them for your entire life
You’ve never felt so comfortable and understood by another person in your entire life!
Deep down, your connection feels timeless.
When you first met this person, you felt a strange sense of recognition and familiarity.
6. You always feel energized around them
Whenever you spend time with a member of your Soul Tribe, you’ll feel energetically uplifted rather than drained.
7. They appear in your life when you most need guidance
The moment you’re open to growing beyond your current layers of fear and limiting beliefs is the moment you’ll attract a member of your Soul Family for spiritual guidance.
8. Hours talking with them feels like minutes
Time is completely relative when you speak with someone from your Soul Family.
You enjoy talking with them so much that time disappears quickly and before you know it, three hours have gone by!
9. They reflect your best qualities
Your Soul Family reflects your best qualities, but they will also challenge you to see and embrace your greatest flaws.
Sometimes challenging you will include creating difficult circumstances for you to learn from (usually unconsciously) or being brutally honest with you (even if it hurts).
Whatever the case, you can count on your Soul Family to help you authentically grow.
10. You share similar life experiences
Themes such as abandonment, abuse, isolation, and other struggles will be shared between you and your Soul Family member.
Each life theme will be used as a basis for growth, advice, and mutual support.
11. Your Soul feels nourished in their presence
There are some people in life who seem to weigh heavily on your Spirit – your Soul Family does the opposite.
You’ll always feel seen, understand, loved, and uplifted by members of your Soul Tribe.
12. You can be your raw and authentic self with them
There’s no need to hide, fake, or pretend to be someone else around your Soul Family.
Your Soul Family honors and celebrates the “authentic” you both on a personality level, and a Soul level.
How to Find Your Soul Family
Where do you find people from your Soul Family…?
People have asked me this question so many times, and I once asked the same thing too.
But the question isn’t about “where” you’ll find them – your Soul Family will find you.
Instead, the question is “when” you will find them.
Over the years, I’ve found that a time comes in your life when you feel a strong pull towards your Soul Family as if you’re finally ready to meet them.
When members of your Soul Family also reach the same readiness, synchronicity will bring you together.
But this inner feeling doesn’t mean that you should sit around, twiddle your thumbs, and continue your normal routine without changing anything.
You can’t win the lottery unless you buy a ticket!
Once you feel ready to meet them, you need to start actively pursuing the encounter.
At this point, you’ll need to listen to your intuition or gut feelings rather than your head.
Your mind, full of fears and past habits, will guide you toward the path that feels most comfortable and safe – this is the wrong path.
The best path forward is to listen to your heart.
Certainly, your heart will guide you to step outside of your comfort zone and feel uncomfortable.
But, in the end, your heart knows the way as it is connected to your Soul.
Likely, you’ll find your intuition guiding you towards new places and activities that you’ve never tried before.
For example, you might be guided to create an online meet-up group, join a cooking class, start tai chi, take up a volunteering position, or even travel to a place that unexpectedly calls to you.
You might only meet one person from your Soul Family, or if you’re fortunate, you might meet all of them – but this isn’t important.
What matters is having the experience of meeting those who share your purpose and mission on Earth to support our collective evolution as a species.
I feel blessed to know so many of my Soul Tribe through this work and website.
I hope that you’re drawn ever closer to other members of your Soul Family each day.
SAUCE:
Twelve Signs You’ve met Someone from ‘Your Soul Family’ (bibliotecapleyades.net)
For a different kind of family:
The Family – Library of Rickandria