May 21, 2024 – Personal Journal

Look, I’ve been trying to maintain positivity but all this negativity being brought to the table isn’t conducive to my very much needed meditation.

POWER MEDITATION – Library of Rickandria

This isn’t about the money.

Power of the Purse: The Origin of Money – Library of Rickandria

This goes far deeper than the shallow aspect of money & materialism.

Jewish Pseudoscience & Materialism – Library of Rickandria

The two people that I know cared about me the most, my parents, died & saw that I would be financially sound.

And for 10 months I have been trying to get YOU & yours back on track… but it hasn’t been enough apparently.

I don’t know if you are trying to become financially sound but that isn’t the goal, especially on my dime.

Your ways & Ideas haven’t been working & they say doing something over & over & expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

I’ve told you that several times, but it goes in one ear & out the other with anything I have to say.

Anything, anyone has to say, honestly.

If I didn’t smoke copious amounts of cannabis, I probably would have gone crazy.

Weed & Smoking – Library of Rickandria

At least, that’s how I felt, now I feel like with soon turning 50, I just want to stop doing something that I had started under peer pressure when I was 14.

It was fun back then but now it’s just another bullshit hassle, when one enables in the first place.

And I stand to lose a lot if caught up into the bullshit world of drugs.

Plus, it has probably been holding me back, spiritually – like ankle weights on runners.

SPIRITUAL SATANISM – Library of Rickandria

I’m probably cursed anyhow because my parents would be pissed, knowing that I helped out people that have fucked me over.

The Zombie-Like Lives of Sheeple from Birth to Death – Library of Rickandria

But they know I give second chances & if you are truly a friend then I would give you the shirt off my back.

But they also knew my dark side, because I brought the unconscious to conscious long ago & they knew I would strangle you with said shirt, if betrayed.

The army also used that personality to their advantage – although the only thing official that they could put into my records, without redactions would be my interrogator training.

Or erasing 2 years of your military record, as in my case.

But that’s another story, lets concentrate on the here & now.

This story is about friendship.

So, Your Spiritual Awakening Cost You Some Friends – Library of Rickandria

You call me your:

• brother
• bro
• best friend

yet the way I am treated says otherwise.

How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf & Walk Your OWN Path – Library of Rickandria

How do you know that we are truly friends when you are living here with your girlfriend & have nowhere else to go?

You say you can’t go back to your dad’s because of burning that bridge with your arguing over there with your current girlfriend.

In fact, every girlfriend you’ve had you have argued with beyond reasoning, in both of my houses.

I’ve been dealing with YOUR problems & turning them into my problems for a long time.

Because that’s what a TRUE friend or brother does.

So, again, where do you have to go?

Who do you have to help you?

How can you say you are here because of our friendship when you would be out on your ass if it hadn’t been for my extremely giving nature.

So, forgive me if I am questioning this friendship because it has all centered around helping you in EVERY aspect of YOUR life.

Are you going to go live in your vehicle – with your girlfriend & 2 pet ferrets?

Or you both have vehicles so something should work out on that end.

Well, she has a vehicle.

I’ve been paying your car payments, the same car that you got behind my back after sending you $2600 for a different vehicle – that would totally have been paid off.

Notice at that time I didn’t even HESITATE to send that to you either.

How many of your friends would have done that?

How many of your friends CAN do that?

Trusting that you would do the right thing, I didn’t hear anything else about checking that other used vehicle out & having Jeremy go with to make sure it was worth getting.

Yet instead, you go to the very dealership that you bitched about all the time because of your girlfriend going through them & having to pay $250+ every 10 days & then still owing thousands of dollars after.

But that’s exactly what you did.

That would be considered hypocritical.

You could have taken a couple of days of work off or at least one day to go look for a cheaper vehicle.

Because if not, you would have to make insurance payments & car payments.

But you had an agenda.

As always.

That agenda was just put a bare minimum down on the vehicle & then pocket $1400 to use for “investments”.

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I quote investments because it seems that any endeavors done, always wind up costing me money, while “money out of thin air” that you make is spent on cigs, fast food & whatever else that isn’t being saved up to pay your own bills.

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You would use the excuse that you needed a vehicle because it was to keep the job you had at the time, even though you had a van that they provided for you that you drove for work.

The same job that you left or was fired from.

Another job where I paid for gas, cigarettes & in-between check money hundreds of dollars, where I didn’t see a dime back from when you got your paycheck.

But despite all of that & the shenanigans after that I allowed you & your girlfriend to move back in.

Am I Your Best Friend, Enemy Kept Closer or Just another Mark? – Library of Rickandria

So, it comes it comes right back the vicious circle we find ourselves in.

Except now, on top of a car payments, I’m also helping out on car insurance.

First, paying $632.26 to get new insurance.

& now apparently paying $371.82 for both yours & your girlfriend’s insurance because it was directly taken off of my card.

Which means you didn’t have to come up with the money to pay for it because I already did.

Your girlfriend has been working & collecting paychecks, yet no money has been given back, only more money needed.

On top of the car insurance, $266.73 was made on your girlfriend’s car payment.

$240.99 was paid on your car payment.

Also, around that time $309 came out the bank account to cover your bail, for the second time you have gone to jail, while being a guest in my house – where the first time cost me $500.

Around this SAME time of me paying your insurance, $500 was given to YOU & $500 was given to your girlfriend to help cover other debts.

And if your memory is failing, don’t worry the bank & PayPal statements, say it all, but before all the above $ was even spent I had given you $500.

And after all that?

Another car payment of yours of $240.99 on the 22nd of April.

While at the same time getting another $277.

And me helping out again on the 29th of April with $55.

Beginning of the Month, May Day, the first I help again with $55.

Then, on the 6th of May, another $240.99 for your car payment.

Another $500 PayPal on the 6th of May as well.

Then on the 10th of May, another $150.

And after that we come right back to the $371.82 insurance payment that came out of my bank account on the 9th of May.

I didn’t have a problem until you told me you were going to the dispensary to bring more drugs into my house.

With what money?

I just laid out $4,839.78 that was spent.

If I am owed $371 (because that’s not going on the “tab”) then that $ being spent is MY money.

At least that’s how YOU think in your world when it pertains to you – like when someone owes YOU money, then any money they spend on themselves or have, you consider that to be YOUR money, since they still owed you.

I heard it time & time again.

And even when they don’t owe you the money anymore because I paid off their bill & gave you the money for that debt you don’t say anything to them about it, TWICE.

Why?

Because apparently my paying off a soldier’s debt to a former business partner is free money in your eyes.

If the old soldier doesn’t know his debt was covered, then you can just keep acting like he owes you that money, because who is the wiser?

How pissed would they be though?

And here we were all friends & business associates at one point.

We were just cogs in the machine, working the system.

Honestly, I’m tired of these games & being made part of them.

Ever hear the phrase not my monkey, not my circus?

So, explain to me on how I’m not being used?

Otherwise, this is:

If we don’t have anything in common beyond pot, COD & billiards – all which is just fake bonding anyhow to keep up the facade, then what am I doing?

Other friends would be grabbing the pitchforks & ropes pissed as fuck if they knew what I have been dealing with for 10 months.

But no, I stay silent.

Chill in my room with the dogs, minding my own business, while more drugs are brought into the home that my parents left me.

Yeah, that doesn’t sit right with me.