Under construction i.e. a work in progress, like me – Last updated by owner of LOR 11.26.2024 @ 23:23 Hours EST
So, I’ve finally come back to the conclusion that I am a harbinger of doom.
The only solution that I can come to accept in my heart is to seek solitude.
That means anyone & everyone can just stay away from me, for the sake of their own future.
There is a note on my house front screen door that says:
I am Death.
Please leave me alone.
Anyone that knows me, later dies or have loved ones that die.
You have been warned.
I then have a link to this page for people to contact me & TRULY understand what’s going on in my head.
This page will become a book one day, but for now, it’s my only therapy.
Don’t worry the blue links are not ads, they are just more pages to my library.
To date, those who have died (from 2006 – 2024):
- My ex-girlfriend Kirsten’s father, Bruce.
- My aunt Debbie (my father’s brother Steve’s wife – dead the minute I came back to Keyser, WV).
- My cousin (Debbie’s daughter) Angie.
- My ex-girlfriend Michele’s father, Ray.
- My grandmother, Helen. (died choking on a tic-tac)
- My uncle (my dad’s sister Brenda’s ex-husband), Harold.
- My dad (still unconfirmed because he was a CIA spook), Richard. (He died 6 days before my birthday – where my birthday is actually the U.S. Army’s birthday as well, known as Flag Day – June 14th, – also President Donald Trump’s birthday)
- My uncle (my father’s brother) (Debbie’s widowed husband), Steve.
- My uncle (my father’s brother), Greg.
- My stepdad (my birth mother, Clara’s husband) Chip (real name Bernard).
- My aunt (my father’s brother Gary’s, wife), Marie. (she had talked shit on me to my stepmother Ute & the following week she croaked)
- My ex-girlfriend Hether’s father, John.
- My grandmother (Stepmom Ute’s mother), Gertrude. (She was 101 years old though)
- The Queen of England (She was ancient too, but just saying)
- My cousin (Debbie & Steve’s daughter – Angie’s sister), Stacy. (She was murdered with a hot shot after being clean & sober for months)
- My Stepmother Ute. (She died on my birthday, 5 years after my dad had died – but mysterious circumstances IMO, being the wife of a spook & more than likely a spook herself.)
- My ex-girlfriend Kirsten’s mother, Linda.
- My ex-girlfriend Hether’s brother, Mark.
Speaking of the name Mark, the very last time I texted my birth mother on Fakebook, she had told me my half-brother, Mark (who was a few years older than me) had died. I didn’t even get to meet him. I don’t even know his surname that he was given. She had been hunting him down, her whole life, to close some chapter, but he didn’t want anything to do with her. Although I was told that he wanted to meet me. Her quest to find a son that she gave up before I was born is what created the tension between us (amongst other reasons). I haven’t talked to her since before her husband died, after she seemingly took credit for my father, her ex-husband, dying. They had such a deep hatred for each other. And to think she’s a Christian.
Speaking of Christianity, I learned recently that another one-time friend, Matthew (Matt), from my days spent in Washington, had died of Lung Cancer last year. I had only learned that news from my best friend/brother, Clint, that I tried to keep in touch with, that still lives in Washington. He & I have drifted apart, something that I never thought would have happened. Despite the fact of being able to repair the relationship, I spent 100% of my time & money taking care of local friends here (my friend Billy that became a best friend/brother). I wasn’t able to go back out to the West Coast & see the few good friends that I had there – as well as close up any former business that I had.
Before I had come back to West Virginia in 2006, I had left Washington abruptly, not really wanting to go, but having very little choice in the matter at the time. In 2023 I had the ability to go back & visit but a true opportunity never presented itself because of all the drama that I have been going through, trying to help those that couldn’t help themselves at that time, nor had anyone else that was willing to help them. I had trusted them, even though they had screwed me over time & time again & I continued to reward bad behavior & it all ultimately led to a downward spiral of self-destruction as well as the end of a long friendship. Don’t mistake the length of a friendship, for the strength of a friendship.
I always helped others, my whole life. I don’t know why, but I just did. The first time I was given $ by my father when I was a child, I gave that money to someone else that needed it more. Of course, I was yelled at for doing it. Later in life, I would give the shirt off my back to someone, but if they wronged me or betrayed me, that same shirt would be used to strangle them. Proverbially speaking. My father would definitely be screaming in my ear if he were alive today.
I didn’t even have a shirt to give anyone in 2006.
Everything that I had built in Washington I had lost due to rash decisions of other people & my spending whatever I had made along the way. My girlfriend at the time, Kirsten, had become disillusioned with life & seemed to not want me around anymore because I knew her father, Bruce – who had died, the reason she was so numb. I stuck around a little bit trying to repair the relationship but at that point after 7 years, it was already over. The minute I optioned out of sex with her is when we both knew for sure – even though our relationship had transcended the physical at the end.
We were both broken when we got together, she more than I.
I’m not sure if it was just coincidence that I had moved to Washington or if that was where I was supposed to meet 6 friends:
- Pip
- Clint
- Mickey
- Jim
- Rick
- Matt
7 if you included my pot dealer, Boo. I might have been just a client or customer to him (my own fault because I lost contact with him), but he helped me out when I needed it the most & when we had conversations, it felt like he was really listening. He knew I was a good person from day one, when his dog, Monster, didn’t attack me, like he had done with so many other unsuspecting visitors. I feel bad in losing contact with him but with all of the things that I got involved with on the East Coast, it was a good thing, because everyone mentioned, would probably be in prison. I didn’t know it at the time, but the Universe i.e. your higher self was looking out for me.
Of course, at the time I thought I was just in a world of hell.
Everyone that knows me, seems to die or God forbid if they have wronged me in this lifetime, then their relatives start dying like in some sort of mafia vendetta that takes out friends & family members, leaving the marked (cursed in my case) person last. There are MANY more people (mostly that wronged me) than just the list above, – that probably were not part of my soul group. They say for a reason or a season. At this point, so much suffering has gone down, that I don’t even know anymore. All it has done is left me numb, hurt & wanting to seek solitude, in my Fortress of Solitude. I am an old soul & old souls like to be left alone. I am also an introvert who enjoys their solitude. Some people call it hermitage. I call it bliss.
I think this Death Curse that follows me, started with me, when I tried to kill myself (a few times) after being involved in military & government intelligence for several years. No matter what I did, after I left service & went off grid (easier to do in the late 90’s) I would always have this thought lingering in my head to kill myself no matter where I was at in life at that time. It almost felt like it was programmed deep into my brain & from pulling the trigger (literally) on some of the suicides, I just couldn’t break it. Back then, I wasn’t really at a good point in my life. Come to think of it, I don’t think there were many good points in my life. Just survival. But when it came to survival, I did quite well. It was just emotionally that I wasn’t at a good point in my life. I blame the empath in me, something that I didn’t quite understand back then.
I guess my destiny truly began when I had enlisted into the U.S. Army when I was 17 years old.